There is a lady with a Genie lamp,
The Genie says to the lady "ill grant you three wishes, however what you wish i will grant your husband 10 times as much"
lady replies "thats fine."
Genie, "so whats your 1st wish?"
Lady "i would like to be the most beautiful woman in the world."
Genie " thats fine but ill have to grant your husband 10 times that!"
Lady " thats fine he will only have eyes for me."
Genie "ok then, whats your second wish?"
Lady "i would like to be the richest lad in the world"
Genie "ok then, but you do know your be the second riches person in the world cos ill give your husband 10 times that."
Lady "ok then thats fine because whats his is mine when your in love"
Genie "so whats your 3rd and final wish?"
Lady " i would like to have a mild heart attack!!"
samtruss1986
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.
_______________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have raised, the management denies your
request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH
brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the
management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are
often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be
pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety
regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area
before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been
seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two
suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
stretch16
johny walks into class wiv his cat in his arm teach says johny what are u doing wiv your cat in school johny replies but miss the milkman said to my mum when the boy goes to school your pussies gonna get it
Paulo
Whats the first sign of madness ??.........................
Suggs walking up your driveway............... !!
mr goff
what does a dwarf get if he walks through a naked womens legs??
A clit round the ear, a flap across the face and a crack on the head!
mr goff
an elephant meets a camel and asks why have you got tits on your back? The camel replies thats rich coming from a fat C*** with a d*** on his face!!
samtruss1986
Man walks into the doctors with a sterring wheel down his pants,
Doctor asks... how'd it get down there
patients replies.. i dont know but its driving me nuts.
Bluntasfcuk
A couple driving along in Canada hit a skunk. The lady has an attack of concience and says they should stop and see if its alright.
They get out of the car to find the skunk still alive, but in shock. The lady says we have to save it. The man says alright, but we'll need to keep it warm. The lady says 'How do we do that?' The man says 'Just put it between your legs'. Lady says 'What about the smell?' Man says 'Hold its fu*&!n nose'.
samtruss1986
41 Great reasons to shag cricket players.
1. We always wear protection,
2. Because with perfect timing we can penetrate a tight ring,
3. You’ll be hit for six once we get in,
4. We look for gaps and play into them,
5. We are capable of pulling anything,
6. We’ re not afraid to introduce a third man if require,
7. We appreciate legs whether they be fine, long, short, or even square,
8. If it starts to get wet we always sure to have extra sheets and covers,
9. We try to avoid “spraying it”,
10. We can go on and on and on for many days,
11. We like to play straight,
12. We can bat on both grassy and grassless wickets,
13. We build long partnerships,
14. We know how to vary the pace for good effect,
15. We believe in good helmet protection,
16. We have remarkable stamina with all round performance,
17. Because our weapon is often covered with at least one if not TWO sleeves,
18. We score many times,
19. We understand our need for covers and extra covers,
20. We defiantly know how to “bang it in”,
21. We appreciate a good tail end,
22. Cricketers know for sure that 69 for 2 is a good position to be in,
23. We know how to get good use from the pitch we play on,
24. We know how to use our bats skilfully at the crease
25. We can bowl a maiden over,
26. We know how to arch our backs and give it that little bit more,
27. Were a fan of video replays,
28. We always know how to hit the right spot,
29. We know how to add that little bit of extra pressure
30. We’re not afraid of a couple of decent bouncers
31. We never underestimate the value of an overnight stand,
32. We British cricketers relish the chance to go “down under”,
33. We know chasing a wide one can lead to regret,
34. We’re not afraid to bring technology into the game,
35. We also love to put it into “The Corridor of Uncertainty”,
36. We appreciate the importance of playing in the V,
37. We can be on top all day and still come second,
38. We don’t like to be given the finger,
39. Because we all know the importance of scoring over the covers,
40. If nothing’s happening we like to switch ends,
41. If there is a damp patch to be aimed at... you can be sure that’s where the ball is going,
Just accept it a gentleman’s sport can only be played by gentlemen,
And of course a full toss in the face is always an accident and we will apologise for straight away.
